DOA: Extreme Beach Volleyball

I know that’s a lengthy title, but I don’t care; it gets the point across.

The idea for this post has been in harvesting vespene gas in the back of my mind for quite some time now, but I wasn’t quite sure when to do it. I originally thought about doing this as a two-part post, but I figure one is plenty.

I’d just like to start off by saying that I’m not the bad guy here, this is just something that I’ve noticed over the past few years, and more so this year than any other. So don’t send me hate mail; if you like watching breasts laugh at physics and blood splash all over the inside of your TV screen, then good for you.

Sexuality in video games is nothing new; neither is violence. Come to think of it, they’ve almost become an essential part of video games. I fear, however, that the releationship between these ideas and the games themselves has become… shall we say, parasitic?

I’ve noticed that video game companies [in general] have almost been overdoing a certain marketing ploy lately- “Sex sells.” Certain franchises have gotten to the point where they just might collapse on themselves if they lacked any kind of suggestiveness. Take Tecmo’s Dead or Alive series: DOA’s trademark has nothing to do with the fighting engine…

Kasumi (DOA: Extreme Beach Volleyball version)

For those who didn’t catch what I just hinted at, Dead or Alive was the first game to feature a “bouncing breasts” option. Since then, ridiculous “boob physics” have become a staple in the series. In fact, there’s a game based on that one aspect alone; admit it, no one plays DOA: Extreme Beach Volleyball because it’s fun.

There are plenty of other series that have created franchises completely because of their sexual undertones and buxom characters; Leisure Suit Larry, DOA, and unfortunately Darkstalkers. (The first things that come to mind if you mention that game are Morrigan and Felicia, for obvious reasons.) Now that I think of it, there’s something else that I’ve always found a little peculiar; why, WHY do people persist on turning animals into suggestive women? Last I checked, neither bats nor cats had boobs. The world is already a weird enough place as is… but I digress.

I’m sure I could go into detail and exploit every piece of sexual innuendo in every game, but I feel like focusing one one in particular… and if you know me, then you know exactly what’s coming:

Archeology isn’t exactly what you’d call “exciting”, unless you’re Indiana Jones… which you probably aren’t. Now, what happens if you create a brilliant archeologist with short shorts adorned with six-shooters strapped to each thigh and a tight tank top to accentuate her, oh I don’t know… 34D-24-35 figure? Suddenly archeology becomes a little more interesting, doesn’t it?

Tomb Raider: Anniversary adaptation of Lara Croft

Like I said earlier, certain franchises would easily collapse without the use of a suggestively figured heroine, and the Tomb Raider series is no exception. Personally speaking, I’m rather fond of the Tomb Raider games, as sadistic as they may be. Despite what people may say, I’m not drawn to the game because of the shapely (and oxymoronically athletic) protagonist; the series is one of the most challenging platformers to date, and its countless puzzles baffle even the most logically-inclined players. Unfortunately, the only thing still associated with Tomb Raider isn’t the level design, nor is it the challenging puzzle system throughout each title, but its buxom lead character, and I hate to say it but with the shifting game industry the game would cease to exist if it wasn’t for a certain pair of polygons under a blue tank top.

Women with unrealistic physique have become a common motif in gaming. I have nothing against it, but I will say this; I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE “REAL” WOMEN IN VIDEO GAMES. In a sense, I would assume that most women find it demeaning. I mean, I’m obviously a guy, so I wouldn’t know if women actually found feminine portrayal in video games demeaning… it’s just an assumption. No offense to the “sultry” women out there, but if I saw a woman who was “well endowed” jumping across cars during rush hour with sword in hand… well let’s face it, I’d just laugh my head off at how ridiculous it would look. It’s like casting Denise Milani as “The Bride” in Kill Bill; it just wouldn’t work.

Ninja Gaiden 2 screenshot courtesy of IGN

In the past few years, the “violence meter” has been cranked to its limits time and time again, but for what?

There was a time when shooting an 8-bit pixel across the screen only to watch what looked like an alien explode into technocolor confetti was the most violent thing around. Nowadays, people are mutilated and torn to shreads in the most graphic of ways possible. When the amount of violence in a video game makes Rambo look like a PG movie, I think we might have a slight problem.

It makes me wonder… In a few years, when we’ve finally reached the capacity for violence, then what?

Prototype

I’d like to take a look at Manhunt 2 on Wii for a minute. The game isn’t a hack n’ slash gorefest like Prototype of the more recent Ninja Gaiden entries, however, need I remind you that it’s on the Wii. That said, think about the Wii’s interface system; most of the on-screen actions are done by the player doing corresponding motions… meaning the game is indirectly “How to Murder 101″. Believe it or not, but the first Manhunt was actually banned in some countries… Shouldn’t that be some kind of warning sign that says, “This game is #$%@#$ up”? And yet, a sequel was made nonetheless.

Manhunt 2

I think that there should be some kind of…. “limit” if you will, to the amount of sex and violence in a video game; the same goes for sexual content. I’m totally cool with playing a violent game that lacks excessive amounts of gore, but it’s almost as if video game industries have forgotten how to do that of late; each game that comes out has more blood and flying entrails than the previous. I’m sorry, but I just don’t care for it. It’s the same with sexual content; if you want to have a seductive protagonist who’s got looks that kill, and parts of her anatomy that defy gravity, then whatever… go for it, but  I’d rather the industry crash by going for realism. I personally think it’s time to see a few more Faith’s, Alex Vance’s, Rubi Malone’s and Samus Aran’s in the digital realm.